Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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