Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
