new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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