i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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