I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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