Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
