Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
