he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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