dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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