How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
