i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
