OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
