THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
