Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
