you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
