My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
