Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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