do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
