There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
