He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
