we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
