i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
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