my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
