dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
