HIV tests are more positive than that guy
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
