if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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