I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
