What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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