It's Friday. Sex?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
