so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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