he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
