riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
