i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
