my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
