ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
