theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
