When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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