Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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