I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
