when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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