maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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