at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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