I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
