I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
