Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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