so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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