omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
