I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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