I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
