My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Need sex. Gaining weight.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
