I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
