Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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