I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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