My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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