Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize
