I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
