Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
